Are you worried about something?
| Everyone feels worried, anxious and stressed about things from time to time and it is normal to feel like that. However, it can be frustrating and upsetting if you feel like that but don’t know how to fix it. Lots of things can make us feel these emotions. Click on the links below for advice and links to some really useful websites. |
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Friends
Everyone worries about making friends even though they may look confident. Some people have lots of friends - others are happy with one or two. If you feel you don’t have any it can be very lonely. It is also very common for friends to fall out.
Remember:
- it’s easy to think that no-one likes you – if you don’t talk to people they might think you don’t like them
- sometimes you might feel different to other people
- people can be on their own for all sorts of reasons – sometimes through choice, sometimes not. It doesn’t mean that they aren’t nice or fun to be with, or can’t be a good friend.
- stick up for your friends.
When you feel lonely it can seem like everyone has friends apart from you. It can make you feel bad about yourself, even though you might know deep down you are nice. Why not try some of these:
- invite someone you think might be nice to sit next to you
- smile, be friendly and show an interest in others
- take things slowly – friendships take time to build
- talk to someone you don’t usually talk to
- join a school club – it’s easier to make friends if you’re doing something – you don’t have to talk all the time, and they might like the same things you do
- join a youth club or something you like outside of school. This can help you make other friends which can be useful if you fall out with people at school.
Most people want to fit in with the crowd – have similar clothes, CDs, computer games, or go to the same places. Sometimes you might not have enough money, or you might want to do something different to other people. Getting the balance right can be difficult, deciding whether to join in with something you don’t feel comfortable with can be very hard. Sometimes you might feel pressured to do things like:
- not doing anything if someone is being picked on
- messing about in lessons
- missing lessons
- spreading rumours
- having a boyfriend or girlfriend if you don’t want to
- smoking
- acting tough
How to decide what to do when you feel under pressure:
- talk over how you feel with someone else – a friend, relative, an adult friend, a school counsellor or youth worker.
- be prepared to say what you think. It might come out wrong but doing what you want will make you feel more confident.
- if you don’t want to do what everyone else is doing have some reasons prepared.
Source: Young Minds ‘In school, stay cool’ booklet.
If you want some more advice on friendship check out the Young Minds website at www.youngminds.org.uk or look at Need2Know www.need2know.co.uk/need2know/relationships/friendship
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Family
In an ideal world our families should be the place we feel safe and secure, and where we learn about having good relationships with people. But sadly parents, carers, relatives and siblings, may not always behave in a way that makes us feel happy and cared-for.
When parents are no longer happy together and decide to separate or divorce, it can feel scary and sad and you may become very anxious about your own future, while your parents seem too preoccupied to help you.
Sometimes parents or carers have mental health problems of their own (like depression or stress) or they may misuse drugs or alcohol and as a result cannot care properly for your emotional needs. At worst, the person supposedly caring for you and protecting you may abuse you so that you feel a painful mix of anger, fear and self-loathing.
If someone dies who you love or really like, the grieving may feel very lonely and you may not know how to cope well. There are people specially trained to help you through any of these painful and disturbing times and many people have been helped by this.
Source: Young Minds
Here are some really useful websites you might want to visit for more advice and information:
General advice and information: Young Minds www.youngminds.org.uk
If you are a carer, or worried about a parent / carer in your care: Surrey Young Carers can help you www.sycp.org
If someone you love has died, Jigsaw4U can help you: www.jigsaw4u so can Cruse www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk.
If you just need to talk to someone, call Childline on 0800 1111 or The Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90. Relateen is also a good source of information www.relatewestsurrey.org.uk/relateen
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Relationships and sex
While everybody seems to be talking about sex, it's unlikely that everybody is actually doing it.
It seems as if everybody has different information on the subject; what it's like, when they've done it, how many times, and who with.
Research says that most teenagers don’t have sex until they’re over 16, so don't believe all the bragging; it might not be true!
You only get your first time once, so you shouldn't feel pressured into having sex just because everybody else reckons they are. People usually boast about sex because they're unsure about it and don't want to feel left out. If everyone were honest with each other, you'd probably find that only a few of your friends have actually done the deed.
It's important that you feel absolutely ready, so that you don't have any regrets afterwards. You should get to know your partner and be sure that you trust them and ensure both feel the same way before going through with it.
You should also talk over the method of contraception you'll be using, and when and where you're going to have sex. You need to think seriously about contraception, not only to avoid unintended pregnancy, but also to protect against sexually transmitted infections.
RU Thinking www.ruthinking.co.uk has loads more information on contraception and STIs, as well as advice on having sex for the first time. You can also find more details at Need2Know www.need2know.co.uk/need2know/relationships/sex_and_sexuality/article.html/id=555
www.surreysexualhealth.nhs.uk can also give you lots of useful information.
Source: Need2Know
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School / exams
School can take up a big part of your life and it can be a great place to learn and make friends. But everyone has bad days and school can also be stressful and scary.
There are lots of things that might worry you at school such as:
- coping with the workload
- exam pressure
- bullying
- not getting on with teachers
- making friends
It can be especially hard if you are moving schools or classes and have to get to know people and settle in all over again.
It can feel like you are on your own but lots of people go through this too. It’s good to confide in someone you trust like a friend, teacher, parent/carer, counsellor, brother or sister.
If you don’t feel like you can talk to someone face to face there are helplines and organisations that can help you talk about your feelings and work out the next step.
Young Minds has a booklet available for all young people called ‘In school, stay cool’ which can help with problems at school
www.youngminds.org.uk/publications/all-publications/in-school-stay-cool
Source: Young Minds
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Bullying
Bullying can happen to anyone at any age. Being bullied at school, home or online might involve someone pushing you, hitting you, teasing you, talking to you or calling you names. No one has the right to hurt you or make you feel bad, and if you are being bullied you don’t have to put up with it, you can talk to someone about it.
What is bullying?
Bullying can mean many different things.
These are some ways children and young people have described bullying:
- being called names
- being teased
- being pushed or pulled about
- having money and other possessions taken or messed about with
- having rumours spread about you
- being ignored and left out
- being hit, kicked or physically hurt in any way
- being threatened or intimidated
If you are being bullied in person or online, then you might think that it's your fault. It isn't.
No-one has the right to bully you. If you speak out about it, there are people who care - they will listen to you and help you.
There are lots of websites to help if you are being bullied. Check out Childline www.childline.org.uk/Info/Pages/Bullying.aspx or BeatBullying at www.beatbullying.org or Bullying UK www.bullying.co.uk/young_people/index.aspx . Or Get Connected www.getconnected.org.uk/home
If you want to talk to someone, call Childline on 0800 1111 or The Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90.
Source: Childline
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Eating
Food and eating play a very important part in our lives. We all vary in the foods we like, how much we need to eat, and when we like to eat. Food is essential for our health and development. It’s not unusual to experiment with different eating habits, for example you may have decided to become a vegetarian or tried changing your diet to improve your health. However, some eating patterns can be damaging.
Problems with food can begin when it is used to cope with those times when you are bored, anxious, angry, lonely, ashamed or sad. Food becomes a problem when it is used to help you to cope with painful situations or feelings, or to relieve stress perhaps without you even realising it. If this is how you deal with emotions and feelings and you are unhappy about it, then you should try to talk to someone you trust. Try not to bottle things up - this is not helpful to you or other people around you, it won’t make you feel any better and the problem is unlikely to go away.
It is unlikely that an eating disorder will result from a single cause. It is much more likely to be a combination of many factors, events, feelings or pressures which lead to you feeling unable to cope. These can include: low self-esteem, family relationships, problems with friends, the death of someone special, problems at work, college or at university, lack of confidence, sexual or emotional abuse. Many people talk about simply feeling ‘too fat’ or ‘not good enough’.
Often people with eating disorders say that the eating disorder is the only way they feel they can stay in control of their life, but as time goes on it isn’t really you who is in control – it is the eating disorder.
For some really good advice on eating disorders, and how to beat them, see B-eat www.b-eat.co.uk or contact the B-eat Youthline:
Phone 0845 634 7650
E-mail fyp@b-eat.co.uk
Text 07786 20 18 20
Online 1-2-1 chat or visit www.b-eat.co.uk/YoungPeople/GettingHelp/Helpbytelephonee-mailandtext
Source: B-eat
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Self-harm
Self-harm can be really hard to understand but it is a lot more common than some people think. Very often it is hidden and secretive and someone can be harming him or herself for a long time before they go to get help.
We all get stressed and feel low at times. When we feel like that, we have to find ways to cope with our feelings.
It is good to try to cope with stress and other difficult emotions in positive ways. Sometimes people don’t know how to do this, so they use self-harm as a way of coping with the difficult feelings that get bottled up over time.
This can also happen if the person feels the techniques they are trying are not enough for them or don’t feel okay enough to remember to use them.
However, there are lots of ways to cope with difficult feelings. Some possibilities are:
- talking to someone you trust
- working out a new coping strategy, maybe going for a run
- writing poetry or stories
Self-harm is often a very private thing and so confiding in someone and getting help can be really difficult. If you are worried about self-harm, there are things you can do to help yourself as well.
It might be helpful to ask yourself some of the following questions to try to understand self-harm:
- what was happening in your life when you first began to feel like harming yourself?
- what seems to trigger the feeling now?
- are you always at a certain place or with a particular person?
- do you have thoughts or memories that are too frightening to tell someone?
- is there anything else you can think of that makes you want to harm yourself?
Young Minds has a good booklet about self-harm www.youngminds.org.uk
Source: Young Minds
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Feeling depressed
Depression is a word that you hear more and more but what does it actually mean?
You might feel really down and sad but this doesn’t always mean that you are depressed. It is completely normal to feel like this mainly because we can’t feel happy all the time!
Usually if we feel sad someone or something will help to pick us back up again but if you feel down for a long time it can start getting in the way of your everyday life. This is when sadness can become depression.
Maybe you:
- don’t see your friends as much or at all
- don’t want to do things that you used to enjoy
- sleep too much or not enough
- have trouble eating or eat too much
You might also cry a lot, often be moody or irritable and can’t explain why you feel so down.
Life can be really hard and there may be lots of reasons why you feel depressed. For example:
- someone close to you dying or leaving
- arguing a lot with friends or family
- worrying about schools or exams
- having a parent/carer who is depressed or worried
- worrying about money
A traumatic event can also kick-start depression. But if you are depressed (or even just feeling a bit down) it is really important to work out things that can help you feel more in charge of your emotions.
Remember, feeling sad or depressed does come to an end, even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time. Keep in mind things that help you cope and when you feel depressed and use them when you feel down.
There are lots of things you can do to help yourself if you feel depressed:
- research has shown that exercise can help depression by releasing powerful chemicals into the brain.
- talking to someone they trust can help
- prescribed medication such as anti-depressants.
The most important thing to do is talk to someone, you can talk to your GP, a teacher, family or friends. You can also talk to Childline on 0800 1111 or The Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90. If you want to read some more about depression, look at Young Minds www.youngminds.org.uk or www.mind.org.uk
Source: Young Minds
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Drugs, alcohol and smoking
Lots of young people want to know more about alcohol and drugs and experiment with them. Although it may seem fun they can cause problems both physically and emotionally.
There are different types of alcohol and drugs some are legal and some are not. Even if something is legal, like alcohol, it does not mean that it is safe to use.
People can have just as many problems with legal substances as they can with illegal ones. There are lots of reasons why people might use alcohol and drugs. For example:
- you might worry that you wont fit in if you don’t take them
- it makes you feel good for a while
- it helps you forget about your problems for a little while
- you feel confident when you use it.
Some people try alcohol and drugs to see what they are like. Other people use them much more often perhaps because they are feeling angry, depressed, worried or are having problems at home or school.
It can seem easier to use drugs and alcohol to cope with problem you have but in the long run it can make you feel worse and affect your emotional and mental health.
There are healthier ways to cope with these feelings. Read some of YoungMinds other publications on feeling angry, depressed, stressed or school problems for more information.
If you think you might have a drug or alcohol problem, Catch22’s 24/7 service is there to help. They want to make sure you feel safe and know
that you can speak to them confidentially about any problems you’re facing. They will give you your own worker who will listen and help you
work through your problems. Telephone: 0800 622 6662.
You can also visit www.talktofrank.com/ which is a national service.
www.surreyhealth.nhs.uk/health/Pages/Smoking.aspx can help with lots of good advice on stopping smoking.
Source: Young Minds
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